Category: Teen Topics
Well honestly, I can imagine that there's at least tuns of boards with a similar theme. though honestly, I wasn't sure where to post this so lets give it a run. Over the last couple of years, me and my mom have gotten really distant. Not that we were close in the first place, but everyday it feels like my presence in the household is pissing her off or something. I'm kinda worried about my independence training at home, as well as exposure to the wider world or lack there of. For example, I'm not aloud to be with frends in the slightest because supposedly we don't have the time. Yet actually this year and the past few, I've done nothing but sit at home because socially speaking my highschool doesn't exactly have the most accepting bunch of people. And at home, every time I try to learn something such as a new dish or even the most basic crap I get yelled at and told how much I'll be one upped by my brother and won't accomplish anything. My future dream is to studdy on the east coast for college, and eventually major in pollitics and foreign law. And I feel like the more this continues, the farther I am from reaching my goals. Your thoughts?
if you're already doing your best to seek the independence training you need, you're already a step ahead of some people. I'd say your best bet is to possibly get out on your own and seek this training outside your parents' house. I'm not going to try to force training centers on you, because I know they're not for everyone, but it might be something to consider. it'll give you the chance to make some new friends as well. sometimes venturing out on your own is what you need if your parents can't/aren't willing to give you the experience you need at home.
Seconding that. Talk to whoever you work with for independence training about seeking out more options. Also, I'm gathering you're a teenager. The spats you're going through with your mother are normal and are just taking on a weird turn with the blindness, but every kid goes through this phase. Just blast on through it, try to be open, and push to try new things anyway.
I'm not a teen, but I am the parent of a teen. So, before you just think "Eeeww! Old guy!" give what I have to say some thought before you write it off.
Miss M is right that mother daughter spats are more often the norm than the exception.
Many women, many women my age and older for that matter, never really learned to control themselves properly when it comes to emotions. In other words, if some refer to so-called blind-isms, these women express so-called emotion-isms or so-called woman-isms: drawing far-reaching conclusions and carrying on for hours about them with little substance.
Unlike perhaps what you've been told, it is possible for you not to do that. You don't have to become disabled in this manner, give in to these fights / frantic reactions. I'm not saying your mother is one of these, but I am saying you could become one if not already. It's entirely avoidable, but deliberately hidden from young women by none other than ... other women and the men who follow them.
So: you want to achieve something, learn a new skill, attempt and try a new thing. You're not a little girl anymore. As a young woman, sit down, think it through, plan ahead for how, why, when and where. You want to be clear when you present it to your parents, maybe your father first if you're on good terms with him. Find an appropriate time, and present your case coherently. The less emotional expression you use, and the more responsibility you personally take for handling the situation, the further you will go. Even if the other party descends into rantings and ravings, don't you allow yourself to do so. Reasonable men have trained themselves to do this for many years. Yes, I said trained themselves: this is not naturally easy to do for us volatile, emotional, human creatures. There's absolutely no reason why women shouldn't be able to train themselves and gain the same access to this sort of conflict management that many men have.
Does it sound hard? It is. I'm 40 and it still is hard sometimes. The conflict you're now having with your mother you will have in different ways all through your life: at work, at clubs you may join, between siblings as the parents get older, with your own kids someday.
Contrary to how it feels to you right now, less of this conflict has to do with blindness or being a girl than you or your mother may imagine. I know perfectly sighted young people raised in restrictive atmospheres who suffer similar problems that you do.
On the issues of so-called independence, I will say this: I did not learn all the so-called skills at home that some on here say one should have before leaving home. Most of that was due to being in a large family, we all had respective jobs and it runs rather like a corporate machine: everyone just does their part and the system keeps running.
But the most important component I ever got, and this was just taught by life itself, is the ability to do what I have described to you plus think on my feet.
If you looked at the massive number of sighted kids who know very little, and I mean knew very little 20 years ago, you'd be shocked. Some so-called dependent people on here far outpace them, if online descriptions are in any way accurate.
But learn what you can, and above all, train yourself to be as thoughtful and methodical in your proposals and responses with your parents. Do that, and take full ownership and responsibility for your part. Even if they never listen and you move out without ever doing a single thing you wanted you will have successfully trained yourself to manage situations in a way many women only wish they could. But they can, and you can: just don't let 'em tell you that being a girl and having emotions means you just can't. You don't want people coddling you because you're blind, do you? Well, in this post I have equally not coddled on account of being a girl.
I am not a girl, but having a daughter who is around your age, I can speak from experience.
I don't have much good advice here, but I find it very unfortunate that you are not being encouraged to experiment and enhance your independence.
I've been there, and I second what others have said here about looking for training outside your home. Just to give you a little perspective, I'm 21 now and I live with my parents for financial reasons. But believe me, if I could, I'd leave in a heartbeat. They often tell me I have to be perfect, and that's not and exaggeration, they have literally said, "I expect you to be perfect." They rant and rave and carry on when I don't accomplish a task independently, then whenever I feel I want to do something they say oh let me do that for you, it will be faster and easier. Double standards much? So I can definitely hear and understand your frustration.
For me, it often came down to a lot of heated exchanges - "I am going to the grocery store with you whether you like it or not, or you can forage around for everything on this list I've made you," or "No, you can't 'show me' how to use a can opener, you have to explain to me the steps to work it or this is not going to get done."
Aah m, and fire and rain. Tis the story of my life. And leo, I don't consider you an old fart at least you explained this in a reasonable intelegent manner. That of which I rarely get at home. And just a side thought to throw out their folks, I'd love to leave the house and see understanding away from the fam. But my mom is constantly hovering over my head saying I need to join the nfb, or hang out with sed group of people without giving my ideas a chance. This slightly bothers me, because I'm honestly not sure whether or not to have an oppinion on the blindness organizations when I'm never really aloud much personal freedom. It feels as if I'm being submisively choked.
Personally, I think you should have some experience with both organizations so you can form an educated opinion about which one you like better. being from Canada originally, I'm kind of neutral. Based only on what people have told me, I find myself gravitating towards the NFB, but again, this is going only by what I've been told. And to be fair, I've met very few people that are pro ACB. should this say something? I don't know. But I'd like to do some more detailed research into both organizations before making a decision of my own. I will say this, though. I'm absolutely sure that both organizations have their flaws. sure, your training will be quite intense sometimes, and sure, there are going to be days when I'm sure you'll feel like you're being pushed too hard, but remember that only you know *your* limits. Just make sure you know where to draw that fine line between being pushed to your limits, and beyond them. There's nothing wrong with stretching your boundries, but noone can and should attempt to make you a different person altogether.
Amelia, for what it's worth, I have never joined a blindness organization. I can most certainly understand it for people with a political bent, or people who have lost their sight. They are like any other club or organization: you have dues and responsibilities, because that is how an organization is formed.
I haven't really joined a birding club either, even though I have been an avid birder for fifteen years and owned quite a few in that time frame. In other words, there are things that either affect you, or are your interest, or are part of you, but that doesn't mean you have to join a club. You can, of course, but being in any organization has its responsibilities. If what you want is your freedom, you may want to wait before doing something like that till you've been on your own for awhile, tasted your freedom, come home at 3 in the morning like we all did at your age.
In response to people not being 'pro' ACB, as someone said,I think the NFB is a lot more vocal.
To depoliticize this, we Coast Guard people are pretty avid about getting you young spazzes into life jackets when you're out on paddle boards, jet skis, boats, or whatever other personal watercraft you may knock together. There are other groups just as interested in it as we are, but since their primary responsibility isn't on the water, They're not as vocal about it.
Just guessing here, but if the NFB is more "on the water" when it comes to blind-related legal issues they'll probably appear more vocal.
Hope that makes some sense. But at your age I'd probably advise against getting tied down to a club or organization, being that is the time of life you're out cattin' around, or probably will be when you get into college / move out.
Hi, I am not good at explaining or giving advice, I am from the UK. I am 31 and stil not very indopendent. My mother only let me have more freedom in my late 20s. I live with her. It is very tough I think with mainstream things I think especially people who don't understand disabilities.
being asian, and coming from a highly tradditional family, I more or less have very little decision making power. In fact, I had a very difficult time moving away to college. My family is very collectavistic and just with me bringing up the idea of moving out to my mother gets me a scolding.
Its very tough and sometimes just gets on my nerves.